Fourth Sunday of Lent

Dominica IV in Quadragesima C
Safe Haven Sunday
27 March 2022

Listen again to God’s word to Joshua in the first reading: “Today I have removed the reproach of Egypt from you.”  The setting of the first reading is that the Israelites are at the end of their 40-year desert wanderings.  They are about to observe the Passover.  And they are just about to take Jericho, the first city they conquer as they finally enter the Promised Land.  But God orders circumcision first because somehow over the course of the 40-year wandering and a likely focus on the most basic aspects of survival, God’s people had lost the practice of being marked by the covenant.  What do we make of this word “reproach”?  I checked other language editions of the Bible and it is clear that the meaning of reproach is that God removed “shame, disgrace, or blame.”  And so, reminding the Israelites that they belong to Him and insisting on their bearing the physical mark of their belonging, God says, “Today I have removed the shame of Egypt from you.”

What I want to emphasize here, and what I think this line illustrates, is the difference between objective sin and the punishment we deserve for it versus the subjective impact, the harm, and the effects of sin on us.  Digging deeper into the moral theology of the Church, there is more to sin than the objective matter of its gravity and the removal of guilt and punishment by God’s mercy.  There is a subjective dimension to sin.  Quite distinct from having been forgiven of sin in baptism or confession, there can be psychological, emotional, and spiritual factors which require the need for deeper and ongoing healing of the effects of sin.  When God speaks of “reproach” I think this can be said to highlight the subjective matter of sin, which we might call its ripple effects, how it impacts us, or the baggage of sin that we carry.  The idea of reproach, the shame of our sin highlights more than just the objective fact of sin.  Rather, it highlights the ideas about ourselves, the messages about ourselves, that we take from the fact of our sins.  Often times these ideas or messages about ourselves that sin sort of “speaks to us” need to be rejected because they are not the voice of God, these negative messages are not what God speaks to us in His love for us.  And this shame, these ideas or messages about ourselves, they often need a deeper healing beyond just absolution in the confessional.

Archbishop Coakley has designated this weekend to be Safe Haven Sunday across the Archdiocese to bring into the light the very difficult topic of pornography.  For clarity, I am using that word this one time in these remarks so that you know what I am talking about.  Going forward I will use other references to the topic in order to protect younger ears.  I hope you will appreciate my attempt to both treat a relevant topic that does touch upon salvation and our need to battle sin, while also seeking to limit exposing younger souls to this topic here at church.  Recognizing the extremely widespread availability and use of explicit material, the Archbishop is leading us in the Archdiocese to face this topic for how it enslaves us, how it impacts even our children, and how the shame of that struggle can keep someone locked in darkness and falling backward in the journey of holiness.  While the focus this weekend is the danger of explicit material and equipping parents to guard children, the truth is that this notion of reproach and shame can well be applied to any sin of our lives.  I am delighted that “Safe Haven Sunday” gives us a coordinated effort to turn attention to the topic of explicit material.  The particular focus for us this Sunday is to equip parents to protect your children in a sexualized culture.  As you leave Mass today we have a booklet resource.  This resource is specific to treating this topic for parents of children and youth, and so if you have children in the home I want you to make sure you pick up a booklet.  There is no shame in taking up that resource as an aid to your parenting.  You will note on the booklet’s front cover and in its first pages an invitation for parents to sign up for a 7-day challenge that will provide a crash course via email of lessons and practices parents should observe to address this topic in the home.

The statistics on the industry that promotes explicit material and the statistics on first exposure ages, on the percent of men and women, and youth who use this material, the frequency of viewing this material, and the amount of money involved in the industry... is frankly staggering, overwhelming and astounding.  While I realize not all will agree on treating this subject in church, I am of the mind that it would be the height of irresponsibility for me as the Pastor, or for you as a parent, to keep our heads in the sand on this topic.  And so, I want to appeal to you parents to be courageous on this topic.  And I want to make a direct appeal to the men of the parish to wise up and confront this topic with a masculine strength that is proper to our vocation as men and fathers.  If we – husbands, fathers, big brothers, uncles, spiritual fathers, Godfathers, grandfathers – have not yet spoken directly to this topic with a young person in our care and if we have not taken steps to protect our homes and environments, why not?  Do something.  And do it right away.

So, what do we do?  It is vitally important that we all accept and embrace our God-given dignity.  Do our actions reflect that dignity?  Are we living a life worthy of our calling?  It is equally imperative that parents recognize the importance of the family.  The home you create and the intentional actions you make are the best support that you can give to your children to live holy and healthy lives.  We cannot underestimate the influence parents have on their children.  It is your responsibility—first and foremost—to be aware, to be alert, and to be informed.  Gone are the days when we might laugh off that a child knows more about the internet than the parents do.  At the very least, you need to know about “parental controls.”  You need to set boundaries, and you need to monitor usage, which includes when and where your children have and use their devices.  One of the simplest and smartest things I have heard a parent do is to have a house rule where at a certain time of evening, and certainly by bedtime, all internet enabled devices, smartphones, et cetera, have to be relinquished and are kept overnight in the parents’ bedroom.  Since the majority of exposure and use happens while kids are bored and in their bedroom, this practice can greatly reduce access to this material.

But this is not just a warning to parents—all of us must be wise and teach our youth the blessings and the beauty of human sexuality.  Otherwise, we leave our secular culture to do the formation and that should scare us to death!  Yet, so many parents, grandparents, godparents, family members and trusted friends never talk about the sacredness of sexuality and may not even know what the Church teaches about chastity.  Creating a safe haven is more than just being watchful and aware for the good of our children it also includes what you teach them and your own behavior including what you do when nobody is looking.

Let me share with you the three basic recommendations for parents to create a safe haven in your home:

   Take control of your children’s devices.  Use parental controls and if a device doesn’t allow parental controls to be downloaded then don’t buy it for them.  Giving kids such devices without controls is like handing them a loaded gun and simply walking away.  Kids can’t handle the access to unlimited information provided by internet devices.  Frankly, adults can’t either.  We aren’t made for such overwhelming input.

   Do not allow devices in the bedroom.  This places kids at a greater risk of exposure to explicit content, it encourages isolation and lack of connection with others, and it creates a difficult environment for accountability.  It is conventional wisdom that if your child wants to have a sleepover at a friend’s house you, parents, want to know a whole lot of information before you agree.  You want to know the address and phone number of the friend.  You want to know the values in that home.  You want to know who the parents are and you may want to meet them first, perhaps at a school event, or over coffee to get to know them first.  Letting your child have an internet device in the bedroom is like sending them to a sleepover at a total stranger’s house.  You can’t do that.

   Talk to you children—Openly and often.  Parents have the most significant influence on their kid’s behaviors—more than their friends, their school or their parish church.  Make every effort at authentic human connection and relationship in the family.

Impure material is one of the great obstacles sabotaging our mission of evangelization and making disciples. God calls us to more. He offers us freedom.  Let us confidently take the next steps in creating safe havens in our homes and in our families.

Remember the Parable of the Prodigal Son—after living a life of dissipation the son was alone, hungry and riddled with guilt.  He decided to go home expecting to be treated like one of his father’s servants but when he got there his father saw him first and he ran to him, embraced him and kissed him because his son was lost but now was found, he was dead and has come to life again!